Week in Review: 24 Hours in the Life of a Bengals Fan

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8:00 AM-Wake up feeling a sense of excitement that it’s Sunday, but also with a gnawing dread because…….well, it’s Sunday.
9:00 AM-Have breakfast, something light in case it comes back up later is preferable. After breakfast, you run to town for last minute provisions for the day, including nachos, beer and aspirin. The guy who checks you out has a ‘who dey’ tattoo, so you think “this is going to be a good day”
10:00 AM-Open up your first beer, kiss your wife, pet your dog, read to your kids.
11:00 AM-You go into game mode, call your buddy to talk about how you will put it together and win today. You can’t lose really. Have another beer.
1:00 PM-Game time. You got the beer and nachos ready. Time to watch your team go to work.
1:15 PM-You ask an empty room “Why did we run the ball there? Is Marvin Lewis dense?”
1:30 PM-Your wife asks why you are screaming at the TV. You look at her like she’s from another planet, and have another beer.
2:00 PM-It’s obvious that the team is trying to lull the other team into a false sense of security, then they’ll strike.
2:05 PM-Marvin Lewis is a moron. Your grandmother could do a better job.
2:30 PM-Halftime. You empty your bladder, grab another beer. Call you buddy to discuss strategy, and settle in for the definite comeback.
3:00 PM-Your kid asks a question to which you reply “DIDN’T I TELL YOU NOT TO INTERRUPT MY BALLGAME?!?!?! YOU’RE GROUNDED!”
3:30 PM-Down just 3 now. You knew it was coming. You were never worried.
4:00 PM-You throw the remote through the window, pull off your Bengals hat and stomp on it, scream about how stupid that a-hole Marvin Lewis is, and kick your dog.
4:30 PM-Sit through a lecture from your wife about how it’s just a game, and you need to calm down.

 

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