The 2013 NFL season is just days away, and football fever has spread to epidemic-like proportions. This is the time of year for prognosticators to predict records, stats, depth charts, and champions. Seeing into the future is an inexact science, so it should be practiced with caution. Here at stripehype.com, we once again rely on Vancetradamus to look into his crystal ball and see what may be coming for the Cincinnati Bengals. Here are ten things he sees.
1. Geno Atkins wins the Defensive Player of the Year award. While being great against the run, he’s simply dominating in the passing game, with 15+ sacks. This is followed by Jermaine Gresham taking credit, saying “Geno was playing mad because I kicked his *** in that Oklahoma drill”
2. Giovani Bernard takes over the starting running back duties in week two, and goes on to win Rookie of the Year, becoming the first soccer mom to win the award.
3. James Harrison sacks Ben Roesthlisberger four times in their first matchup of the season. In the heat of the moment, he also sacks three cameramen.
4. Dane Sanzenbacher makes the 53-man roster, prompting journalists to collectively sigh because they’ll have to spend more time writing “Sanzenbacher”.