Invasion of the Ocho Snatchers

Quick! Call the cops! The FBI! The CIA! The Military! Chad Johnson has been replaced by a Pod Person!

"Johnson says after a “wonderful,” conversation with quarterback Carson Palmer at last week’s minicamp, the two are prepared to fuel up like they connected before last season’s balky 7-9 run.“He looked at film and looked at the things we missed on from Week One to Week 16 and he said 1,800 (yards) was reachable if we’re perfect,” Johnson said. “Of course, Carson and I were off on plays we usually clicked. We left a lot of plays on the field. We talked about what he and I need to do starting in July. We have a lot of work to do.”"

"With his trade calls unheeded and his ankle gimpy, Johnson sounds like he’s immersing himself in football again after a curious season he broke his own franchise record for receiving yards with 1,440 in a year he says he was “horrible.”"

"“I wasn’t right. I wasn’t technical enough. Nowhere near as sound as I have been. For what a (multi) Pro Bowl veteran should be,” he said. “I was very inconsistent.”…”I played very poorly.”"

"“I did everything under the sun to get out of here,” he said. “I acted psycho. I posed my case. I talked with my owner, who loves me dearly. He must. Those offers were unheard of. And he still said no. Really, I’m not that good.”"

"“We have a bigger issue here. Money will take care of itself,” said Johnson, who has a contract here through 2011. “If I go out and continue to be way above here, then it’s going to have to happen.”"

Everyone, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!