My Head Hurts

I’m clearly sick in the head. Yesterday’s train wreck of a press conference is occupying an unhealthy amount of my thoughts. And since I’ve spent the last hour looking through the transcript instead of working, maybe commenting on it will bring some needed catharsis. God knows I need it.

Increased Control for Marvin: “It’s Mike’s ultimate say-so. He’s the owner, he’s the general manager…”

If Marvin was negotiating for control, he lost.

It’s stupid that we have to wonder about control. How many coaches in the NFL have to deal with control issues? The ones who work for overly-involved owners. Good owners set standards and hold personnel accountable to those standards. They work on PR. They let football minds make the football decisions. Other owners spread dysfunction by treating the team like their own personal set of highly-priced tinker toys. (“Gee, Wally, maybe we could convert Jason Shirley into a fullback!”)

Indoor Practice Facility: “Marvin has a desire to have a practice facility. I have a desire, but probably not as keen.”

The only place I can see where Marvin “won” anything is the indoor practice facility. Mike is obviously a purist who staunchly believes that the game ought to be played in the elements. I thought he was nuts to make PBS an open-air stadium. Why purposely take away from the city (you know, the people paying for the stadium) any possibility of ever hosting a SuperBowl? Only a purist makes a decision like that.

I’m speculating obviously, but I think Mike has the notion that practicing in the cold makes his players “tough” and gives them an advantage when dome-dwelling teams come here in the winter. He clearly has no concept that the cold costs him money. If he is vying for a free agent, he will have to up the bid to get that player to deal with the elements. And it helps discourage some FAs from even considering the Bengals. Marvin sees these things, but Mike hasn’t.

The Bengals would already have one if Mike had not spurned UC’s offer to share one. But he chose to flip them the bird. And now this darn CBA is in the way. But I’m sure Mike can’t wait to get right on this project once that is out of the way. Darn the luck!

Building Fan Excitement for 2011: “We’re going to be better. I don’t think we want to go any further than that here today. I think that gets to be personal and private. I know publicly, everyone wants this big splash, but I will tell you we will be better.”

FAIL.

Welcome to the Brown family, Marvin. With an answer like that, you’re officially a member now.

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