Bengals News

Week in Review: Vancestradamus’s NFL Predictions

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It is revealed the Saints were also responsible for all movie pirating,  introduced Clinton to Lewinsky, were behind Watergate, know where Jimmy Hoffa is located, and caused the stock market crash that started the Great Depression. Jonathan Vilma denies everything.

Carson Palmer throws 35 interceptions. On a related note, Mike Brown is hospitalized after having a heart attack following a laughing fit that lasts for two weeks.

In an effort to complete the atmosphere surrounding the Jets, their home field is rechristened “Barnum and Bailey Stadium”

The NFL further adjusts rules on who defenses can hit. This leads to the Packers averaging 78 points per game.

More bad news for Terrell Owens as he’s cut from his neighborhood bowling team after saying “I’m only bowling in even numbered frames from now on.”

The Superman references get weird as people start calling Cam Newton “Clark” and asking him about his origin story in interviews.

The Bears cut all of their players except Devin Hester, who plays everywhere. They still go 10-6.

Barry Sanders comes out of retirement and breaks Emmitt Smith‘s rushing record…because that’s the way it should be.

That’s all for now. I hope these revelations have enlightened all of you, and your lives are better off because of them. Rest assured, I’ll be back with more predictions as soon as the visions return.



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