Bengals 2015 NFL Draft: Mike and Marvin’s Masterplan (?)

Well, that was the NFL Draft. Last week I suggested that the Bengals’ draft team of “Magical” Marvin Lewis et al. faced a choice between mixing up their drafting style and sticking to their guns. They stuck to their guns.

In doing this, comedy duo Mike ‘n’ Marv’ have done themselves nothing but favors: critics of Lewis have been reminded of his strong drafting capabilities, and fans of the coach are glad he hasn’t caved to his critics. But have they struck a good balance between securing the future of the team and helping the team in the coming season? I have absolutely no idea and neither does anyone else, but here’s an analysis anyway:

OT Cedric Ogbuehi (21st pick) and OT Jake Fisher (53rd pick)

Andrew Whitworth daring the Bengals to draft at his position was a pretty clear indicator that such a move had been discussed, but devoting their first and second round picks to offensive tackles was nothing short of hilarious. Whitworth is probably wishing he hadn’t bothered, and yet consensus is that neither of the players will see much, if any, action in their first year.

TL; DR: Potential high impact in future, probably not so much this year.

TE Tyler Kroft (85th pick)

Tyler is one “krofty” player hahahahahaha Mandatory Credit: Ed Mulholland-USA TODAY Sports

Another solid pick in the wake of Jermaine Gresham’s exit, much has been made of Tyler Eifert taking over Gresham’s former role as veteran tight end and becoming Kroft’s mentor. I guess people like the symmetry. I sure hope no one ever calls them The Lords of the Game: The Two Tylers or something, but I just have so that’s the world we all live in now.

TL; DR: Acting as Eifert’s understudy, Kroft could see himself part of the game plan pretty soon.

LB Paul Dawson (99th pick)

People are pretty excited about this linebacker, drawing comparisons to Vontaze Burfict, probably because their names are so similar. He didn’t do great in the combine, but if that’s an exception to his ability, then Mystic Marv’ has chosen wisely here indeed.

TL; DR: Even if Burfict remains part of the team, Dawson could easily find a way in if he impresses.

DB Josh Shaw (120th pick)

Shaw saw his abilities at cornerback overshadowed in the draft by a pretty outrageous lie, which could mean the Bengals have got themselves a pretty good deal. We can only assume that Mike ‘n’ Marv’ think that Joshy Shaw has done some growing up since his incident, although I for one hope he hasn’t because then I’ll have something to write about.

TL; DR: If you ever need help in a burning building, this is the man you call.

DL Marcus Hardison (135th pick)

The Arizona State defensive lineman joins Geno Atkins, Carlos Dunlap, and Michael Johnson to create a convincing pass rushing crew. Almost definitely a pick for the future.

TL; DR: Seriously?

TE C.J. Uzomah (157th pick)

I like to imagine that Mike Brown strolled into the Bengals’ Draft War Room (because sport is war) one day and demanded an abundance of tight ends: “I want tight ends coming out my ears Marv’. I want them popping out my eyeballs and coming out my eye sockets Marv’. I want there to be so many tight ends stuck in my lungs, coming up my throat and spewing out my mouth, that I can’t even breathe, let alone speak Marv’.” But that almost certainly didn’t happen.

TL; DR: One of the more questionable picks this year, Mike ‘n’ Marv’ will be hoping he can perform better with the Bengals than he did at Auburn.

S Derron Smith (197th pick)

Oh hey is this the safety some had pegged for a second or third round pick? Undeniably good value for any team in the sixth Round, Marvellous Marv’ gets some extra points for remembering Reggie Nelson and George Iloka both become free agents in 2016.

TL; DR: Marv’ is at it again with the smart picks for the future.

WR Mario Alford (238th pick)

It has been suggested this wide receiver could have some value on special teams. Last year he managed 11 touchdowns from 65 receptions, which was enough for some Bengals fans to prefix his name with Super, draw on moustaches, and fire up their SNES in celebration.

TL; DR: The Bengals needed a WR, Mario is a WR. I guess that’s a start.

Next: How Cedric Ogbuehi Fits the Bengals