NYT satire site proclaims Bengals self determined SB winners

New York Times satire writer Andy Borowitz wrote a column proclaiming “Cincinnati Bengals Announce That They Have Won Super Bowl.”

In a satire column in the New York Times, Andy Borowitz wrote a column mocking the Presidential election process and potentially the Bengals with the headline“Cincinnati Bengals Announce That They Have Won Super Bowl.”  The Bengals as usual were the easy target.

The satire proclaims that the Bengals declared themselves champions and that “no touchdowns, extra points, field goals or safeties scored after the announcement should count” is a direct reference to a lawsuit asking for votes to stop being counted in Michigan and Pennsylvania.

The fact the Bengals are such an easy target crosses political lines. A 7-26-1 record over their last 34 games after starting the 2018 season 5-3 allowed Borowitz to easily single out Cincinnati. After selecting quarterback Joe Burrow with the top pick in the 2020 NFL Draft Cincinnati has matched their 2019 win output.

The hope is that Burrow, rookie wide receiver Tee Higgins and the remaining young talent on the Cincinnati roster can at the least return the franchise to the success of the Marvin Lewis era and potentially exceed it. Lewis was 131-122-3 but had a remarkably inept 0-7 playoff record.

"“CINCINNATI (The Borowitz Report)—In an early-morning victory statement that took many in the N.F.L. by surprise, the Cincinnati Bengals have declared themselves the winners of next February’s Super Bowl.The declaration of victory seemed designed to stir controversy, in no small part because sixty minutes of the sixty-minute-long contest have yet to be played.But the Bengals remained defiant, arguing that no touchdowns, extra points, field goals, or safeties scored after their announcement should count.“As far as we’re concerned, we’ve already won,” the Bengals said.”"

Cincinnati is currently 2-5-1 and 2.5 games behind the Browns for the seventh and final playoff spot. If the NFL expands the playoffs to eight teams per conference as has been reportedly considered, the Las Vegas Raiders are a half-game behind the Browns holding the potential eighth spot.

The two close losses to Cleveland are potentially what is keeping Cincinnati from the final playoff spot. As far as the faux self-proclaimed Superbowl title. The Bengals have not won a playoff game since a 41-14 victory over the then Houston Oilers in the wildcard game in 1990.

Cincinnati played in the second of their two Superbowls in January 1989 losing a heartbreaker to the San Francisco 49ers on a late TD. The Bengals lost their only other SB to San Francisco seven years prior. With a potentially franchise-changing QB like Burrow, Cincinnati should at least break the playoff drought.