Is the biggest takeaway from the Cincinnati Bengals' schedule the fact that they can play spoiler to Travis Kelce and the Kansas City Chiefs on Taylor Swift's birthday? Shoot, now that's a football love story Bengals fans can say yes to, baby.
If Swift succumbs to the fate of Ophelia in the metaphorical sense — read: "drowning" in her own tears and those of Kelce's after a loss on Dec. 13 at Paycor Stadium in Week 14 — that could be symbolic of the dynastic, so-called Chiefs Kingdom's castle(s) crumbling.
Sure, Swift and Kelce could probably shake it off, and look forward to an enchanted final four games of Kansas City's schedule, which feature three home contests. But let's look at this epic setup a little more closely, as it comes at the tail end of Cincinnati's toughest late-season stretch.
Bengals have golden opportunity to spoil Taylor Swift's 37th birthday by beating Travis Kelce's Chiefs on Dec. 13
It's almost like this matchup is the prophecy of the NFL season, or at least an inflection point that could make or break the Chiefs as we know them (all too well).
Can't be mere coincidence that Swift's birthday falls almost exactly a fortnight into December, and that a trip to Cincinnati happens to be on the schedule.
The NFL script doctors are at it again, eh?
...Because if the Bengals are meant to capitalize on an offseason where just about everything on their wish list was fulfilled, there's no better confirmation of their reemergence than to put the figurative joker and the queen down bad on the latter's birthday.
And I say that with affection. Swift is indeed an international pop queen, and Kelce is a wholesome, jovial fella who hails from the great state of Ohio after all. Real golden retriever energy.
Couldn't this fame Richter scale-breaking power couple throw the Bengals a bone? Does Taylor not have enough to look forward to re: whatever her next trip around the Sun holds?
Joe Burrow being healthy this deep into the season and beating Patrick Mahomes head-to-head is one thing. Doing so at the expense of the Swift-Kelce combo, and possibly dealing a devastating blow to the Chiefs' playoff seeding aspirations? Hits different.
Long story short, this is me trying to manifest something positive for the Bengals in 2026. They're long overdue, and once upon a time, they seemed destined to be the Chiefs', ahem, chief rival.
It's like there's an invisible string of outrageous fortune holding Cincinnati back. Burrow has been in exile from the playoffs since the AFC Championship Game loss at Arrowhead Stadium after the 2022 campaign. That's way too long.
'Tis the damn season in Cincinnati, am I right? It's actually romantic to think about. Knocking off the Chiefs, fair and square. No officiating hoax. Kelce and Swift looking all sad-like, albeit maybe until maybe 3 a.m. that night/early morning.
The Bengals bandwagon has gasoline to spare for when many inevitably jump aboard this season. We might even get some Swifties converting once they swoon over Joe Shiesty. He can make a mad woman out of anyone.
As the cruel summer drags on before the actual games begin, and months of the season wear on before this highly anticipated Chiefs-Bengals meet-up, just remember, Who Dey Heads...
We have an endgame in mind. And the ideal springboard toward that long-elusive Super Bowl trophy is making Taylor Swift a down-bad, tortured poet with a decisive triumph over Big *Red* Andy Reid and the Chiefs.
After the Chiefs? We're on to Carolina. And hopefully not long thereafter for the Bengals: Florida!!!? Disney World? OK maybe Disneyland, given that Super Bowl LX is being played in Califooooooorniaaaaa.
Didn't see that coming, did ya? Swiftie sickos, see if you can spot all the song title references in this here article. Hint: It's more than seven.
Add us as a preferred source on Google