Elsewhere in the multiverse, the Bengals are Super Bowl champions — here's how

One common pastime amongst any NFL fan base is to play armchair GM, imagining a world where their front office and team bow to their every whim and build a perennial Super Bowl-contending juggernaut. This is especially the case with Cincinnati Bengals fans.

Not to speak for everyone in the larger Who Dey Nation, but let's be honest: When was the last time you, reader, were genuinely satisfied with the Bengals brain trust's construction of the team? It's fair to say they've been more than a little conservative at times.

Whether it's dragging their feet on extending in-house talent, not being proactive enough at all stages of free agency, or stubbornly sticking and picking in the draft to rather mixed-to-be-kind results, a majority of the Cincinnati faithful are often fed up with the front office and ownership.

Well guess what? Yours truly has worked his way to this seat through years of gumption, resilience, and enough audacious yet level-headed takes to be here. Now it's my turn to play armchair GM.

This piece is years in the making, with multiple already-published pieces to back up how I, in Duke Tobin's seat, would have delivered the Cincinnati Bengals a Super Bowl LVI victory and potentially another Lombardi Trophy in the ensuing years.

The Bengals were already one play away from Super Bowl LVI glory

Before I get rolling in earnest, the Bengals did enough to give Joe Burrow the ball, down three points, in the final minute of Super Bowl LVI against the Los Angeles Rams.

On the decisive 4th down play of the Big Game, Burrow faced quick pressure from GOATed interior pass-rusher Aaron Donald, was slung to the turf, and his desperation pass fell to the turf as the Rams prevailed 23-20.

Somebody had to go home disappointed and wounded. What really twists the knife and salts that wound is the fact that Ja'Marr Chase had pulled away from a fallen-down Jalen Ramsey on that last down from scrimmage. The screenshot of nightmares for the Bengals franchise is below.

Had Burrow been able to elude Donald's grasp — or, had his offensive line blocked better — he would've delivered the most legendary completion in the history of football. That's not hyperbole whatsoever.

Now that we've acknowledged just how close the Bengals were to winning in the first place, we're blasting off to an alternate universe where Super Bowl LVI wouldn't have even come down to the wire.

Mock Bengals draft-day trades that would've altered NFL history

Back in April 2021, I came up with a revolutionary NFL Draft strategy for the Cincinnati Bengals. In July 2022, I wrote a follow-up for Barstool Sports. With the benefit of hindsight, now knowing the full trade compensation involved in the seemingly absurd trades I came up with, it would've worked.

Not only would the Bengals have enjoyed a Super Bowl parade through downtown Cincinnati had they adhered to this blueprint, but they might even have another Lombardi Trophy in tow.

My mass proposition involved the classic trade value chart, courtesy of Drafttek, which allowed me to pull off hypothetical trades that would be fair to the teams dealing their premium first-round picks away to Cincinnati.

The idea was to acquire Ja'Marr Chase, Penei Sewell, and Kyle Pitts in one fell swoop. Here's how, with trade value chart numbers in parentheses:

Bengals trade for No. 6 overall pick (1600) in 2021 NFL Draft. Miami Dolphins receive: Round 2, 38th pick (520); Round 6, 202nd pick (11), plus:

• 1st-round pick in 2022 (700)
• 2nd-round pick in 2022 (310)
• 2nd-round pick in 2023 (276)

Bengals trade for No. 7 overall pick (1500) in 2021 NFL Draft. Detroit Lions get: Round 3, 69th pick (245), Round 5, 149th pick (32), Round 6, 190th pick (15), plus:

• 3rd-round pick in 2022 (145)
• 1st-round pick in 2023 (600)
• 3rd-round pick in 2023 (126)
• 1st-round pick in 2024 (590)

Rather than going through the hassle of figuring out the compensation for the fourth overall pick, where Pitts was actually drafted by the Atlanta Falcons, we're in an alternate universe, right?

So let's imagine a timeline where, instead of Pitts, Atlanta selected reigning NFL Defensive Player of the Year Patrick Surtain II at fourth overall instead. Keep this thing moving.

Penei Sewell and Kyle Pitts would've made all the difference in Super Bowl LVI

If you don't mind, I'd like to self-quote my article from Barstool to highlight how good Sewell and Pitts were as rookies despite being drafted to poor situations/teams:

"Quick tidbits on Chase, Sewell and Pitts from their age-21 seasons:

• Ja'Marr Chase was 4th in the NFL in receiving yards (1,455) and 3rd in TD catches (13) in 2021.
• Penei Sewell surrendered only one sack and five hurries in pass protection in his final eight starts last season after moving from left to right tackle, per PFF.
• Kyle Pitts was only the second rookie tight end in NFL history to eclipse 1,000 yards receiving."

Look no further than the recent words of Bengals newly acquired tight end Noah Fant as testimonial proof of what Joe Burrow's presence does for tight ends:

Now think about a freakazoid talent like Kyle Pitts being thrown into the mix on that 2021 team that ran to the Super Bowl. Defenses were scrambling as it was to account for Chase, Tee Higgins, and Tyler Boyd. What could another X-factor have done.

But the most important player here is Sewell. He's proceeded to be nothing short of an elite franchise cornerstone for the Lions.

Whether the Bengals had drafted him and placed him at left guard or right tackle with Jonah Williams already protecting Burrow's blind side, that scrubby offensive lien unit would've looked a whole lot better with a premier rookie like Sewell in the lineup.

Remember how Burrow got sacked nine times in that Divisional Round win at Tennessee? Or how he was sacked seven times in Super Bowl LVI facing the likes of Donald, Von Miller, and Leonard Floyd? Just try to envision how much Sewell could've helped.

How would the Bengals' revolutionary mock trades have played out today?

My mock trades were bold and stretched all the way out to the 2024 NFL Draft. Not only are all those drafts in the books, but all the actual present-day Bengals players involved have actually had a crack at playing meaningful snaps.

So here's a fully-updated look at what we'd be looking at.

• Kyle Pitts (6th overall pick) for: OL Jackson Carman; RB Chris Evans, DB Dax Hill, CB Cam Taylor-Britt, CB DJ Turner.

• Penei Sewell (7th overall pick) for: DE Joseph Ossai, C Trey Hill, OT D'Ante Smith, DT Zach Carter, DE Myles Murphy, S Jordan Battle, OT Amarius Mims.

Evan McPherson should be part of the Sewell deal, but say we wanted to keep his clutch playoff leg on the roster. Frankly, that'd be easier than digging for an alternate-universe placekicker. Let's say he was either picked 139th overall over D'Ante Smith, or scooped up as an undrafted free agent. Or the mock trade included the 139th pick, and Cincinnati still got McPherson at No. 149.

Regardless, we're pressing on with McPherson as the kicker to make things easier. Every single other player on here would be worth sacrificing for Sewell alone. You can disagree with me if you like. That's just the truth based on what I've seen to date.

Building a Bengals shadow team via the mock draft multiverse

OK so anyway What's great about being an NFL Draft junkie is that I've had big boards every year since 2021, and have tracked what I would've done as GM at every turn. I've also kept this "revolutionary" draft idea in mind and mocked out how I would've chosen if I saddled myself with such limited draft capital.

It seems easier to reverse-engineer free agency from the draft, no? We'll go that route, since there are multiple offseasons of free agents to account for and frankly that'd be almost impossible to track year-over-year in a shadow team situation.

So going off my big boards, and the team needs that would've arisen from trading all these draft choices for Sewell and Pitts, here are my alternate-universe Bengals mock drafts from 2022 through now. Big board rankings in parentheses — and I'll agree to agree with some of Cincinnati's picks just to stay somewhat in touch with the current-day team.

One qualifier before we begin. You'll have to take my word for the prospects I had just outside my top 100. I have no motivation nor desire to fib about this. Hunt me down in the wild for my Notes app. They're all there and accounted for.

2022 Bengals mock draft (big board)

• Round 4, Pick 136: Riq Woolen, CB, UTSA (33)
• Round 5, Pick 166: Jamaree Salyer, OL, Georgia (75)
• Round 7, Pick 252: Reed Blankenship, S, MTSU (N/A)

2023 Bengals mock draft (big board)

• Round 4, Pick 131: Kelee Ringo, CB, Georgia (57)
• Round 5, Pick 163: Ivan Pace Jr., LB, Cincinnati (71)
• Round 6, Pick 206: Andrei Iosivas, WR, Princeton (103)
• Round 6, Pick 217: Zack Kuntz, TE, Old Dominion (95)
• Round 7, Pick 246: Keaton Mitchell, RB, East Carolina (105)

2024 Bengals mock draft (big board)

• Round 2, Pick 49: Patrick Paul, OT, Houston (55)
• Round 3, Pick 80: Payton Wilson, LB, NC State (26)
• Round 3, Pick 97: Gabriel Murphy, EDGE, UCLA (76)
• Round 4, Pick 115: Malik Mustapha, S, Wake Forest (82)
• Round 5, Pick 149: Leonard Taylor III, DL, Miami (94)
• Round 6, Pick 214: Evan Anderson, DL, Florida Atlantic (N/A; close)
• Round 7, Pick 224: Daijahn Anthony, DB, Ole Miss (N/A)
• Round 7, Pick 237: Matt Lee, C, Miami (N/A)

So I held on to three current Bengals amongst the 16 picks they would've had in these Sewell/Pitts blockbusters. Just used my big boards as best as I could. Before we dive into free-agent acquisitions, let's address the front office elephant in the room.

Navigating the steep costs of alternate-universe Bengals team

The butterfly effect created by a Sewell-Chase-Pitts combo draft and the resulting Super Bowl triumph is admittedly, wildly subjective. However, I guarantee you that business would be booming for the team, more free agents would want to play in Cincinnati, and securing that long-elusive Lombardi Trophy just might make upper management more inclined to pay their players earlier.

A self-evident pothole is somehow keeping the core of the team together. Extending Sewell and Chase would be the clear priorities. You could argue that'd mean Tee Higgins would be shown the door, yet bear in mind: Sewell would ultimately take over at left tackle in this scenario — negating the need to sign current Bengal Orlando Brown Jr. to a pricey contract.

My sense is that Pitts would want a larger target share and more money elsewhere. He'd have shown plenty of promise due to catching passes from Burrow, and the Bengals could get something like a third- or fourth-round pick in a trade. That would intersect with the upcoming 2025 season, with Pitts playing on his fifth-year option.

Otherwise, the nucleus of the team would be virtually intact — and certain Bengals fan favorites who got away over the years could've still been part of the franchise's longer-term vision.

Bengals multiversal shadow team outlook for 2025 and beyond

Here we are! We've made it to the free agency of it all. I'll largely keep what the Bengals did in this department the same, with several exceptions to account for the radical draft strategies deployed to get Sewell and Pitts. Introducing my 53-man shadow team roster for 2025!

First of all, however, we need an alternate 2025 mock draft to account for how needs were filled in the prior scenarios. Namely, Payton Wilson and Ivan Pace Jr. being on the squad would eliminate the need to draft two this year. We'll keep the Bengals' focus on the trenches the same for purposes of this exercise.

2025 Bengals mock draft (big board)

• Round 1, Pick 17: James Pearce Jr., EDGE, Tennessee (11)
• Round 2, Pick 49: Darien Porter, CB, Iowa State (87)
• Round 3, Pick 81: Dylan Fairchild, OL, Georgia (102)
• Round 4, Pick 119: Bradyn Swinson, EDGE, LSU (32)
• Round 5, Pick 153: Jalen Rivers, OL, Miami (105)
• Round 6, Pick 193: Tahj Brooks, RB, Texas Tech (N/A)

Note: Dylan Fairchild was swapped out on my big board at the last minute for Florida offensive tackle Brandon Crenshaw-Dickson after I dug up the horror that was BCD's athletic testing.

On we go to the 53-man roster in this alternate universe, bearing in mind that Zack Kuntz would be relegated to practice squad duty due to the depth of Cincinnati's tight end room.

2025 Bengals shadow team 53-man roster

***Bold = mock free-agent signing or re-signed player; Italicized = mock draft pick

Offense

• QB: Joe Burrow-Jake Browning
• RB: Keaton Mitchell-Samaje Perine-Tahj Brooks
• WR: Ja’Marr Chase-Tee Higgins-Andrei Iosivas-KhaDarel Hodge-Kendric Pryor
• TE: Kyle Pitts (on trade block)-Noah Fant-Drew Sample-Tanner Hudson
• LT: Penei Sewell-Kendall Lamm
• LG: Dylan Fairchild-Jamaree Salyer
• C: Ted Karras-Matt Lee
• RG: Brandon Scherff-Cody Ford
• RT: Patrick Paul-Jalen Rivers

Defense

• LDE: James Pearce Jr.-Gabriel Murphy-Bradyn Swinson
• DT1: BJ Hill-Leonard Taylor III-Taven Bryan
• DT2: TJ Slaton-Evan Anderson
• RDE: Trey Hendrickson-Dante Fowler Jr.-Cam Sample
• LB1: Logan Wilson-Oren Burks-Maema Njongmeta
• LB2: Payton Wilson-Ivan Pace Jr.
• CB: Riq Woolen-Darious Williams-Darien Porter-Kelee Ringo
• NB: Mike Hilton-Daijahn Anthony
• S: Jessie Bates-Reed Blankenship-Malik Mustapha-Tycen Anderson

Specialists

• K: Evan McPherson
• P: Ryan Rehkow
• LS: Cal Adomitis

Did my best to keep myself honest about all this re: sticking to my big boards for the most part, except when I had to reach for needs. Then I didn't go nuclear in free agency — just enough to build out the rest of the roster, while retaining some regrettable players who the Bengals let get away. Looking at you, Jessie Bates!

Alright I think that's a wrap. What do y'all think? Would this team have won a Super Bowl or two by now? Or am I talking utter nonsense? I guess we'll never truly know. Just food for thought for the Bengals personnel department. I'm available for hire!