The national media's Bengals blind spot endemic reaches a new fever pitch

The national media is so misinformed on the Cincinnati Bengals that it's actually kind of exhausting to document. You listen to morons on TV prattle on about them, knowing they get paid on a comparable level to rostered NFL players, and you start to question your own existence and reality.

Oh wait, is that just me? Got it.

Rather than bore you with an intro or cite other prior countless examples, let's just get into the latest. Because I just straight up don't have the energy.

Joe Burrow and Ja'Marr Chase keep it real enough on their own volition to tune out these imbecilic talking heads. But I digress. Let's proceed.

Stephen A. Stupid

Oh I'm sorry, Stephen A. Smith. The guy who gets paid truckloads of dollars to loudly exclaim pure nonsense on TV every single day. I love that society rewards this "EMBRACE DEBATE" thing.

See I usually just leave Stephen A. and all his types be. But I guess for better or worse, they drive the conversation. Perhaps by shining light on how moronic these people are, maybe we can start flipping the national narrative about the Bengals.

"You're literally asking the defense, could you just not give up 30? If you could not give up 30, we got you. Damn, I mean how much more do you want to do? Do you want them to give them a diaper and a bib, too?"

Did Stephen A miss the Bengals acquiring Dexter Lawrence, Jonathan Allen, Boye Mafe, Bryan Cook, and Cashius Howell this offseason? Or was he too busy being wrapped up in the closing stretch of the NBA season and the playoffs, since that's the sport he actually knows something about?

I would love to see Stephen A. approach Lawrence, Allen, or Mafe, the staples of Cincinnati's new-look d-line, and ask them if they want a diaper and a bib. I'm sure that'd go over well!

If anyone can point me in the direction of a single time where Stephen A. was correct about something NFL-related that doesn't have to do with vague "DISASTER WAITING TO HAPPEN" Dallas Cowboys takes, kindly do so.

The 'Dexter Lawrence overpay' Danny Parkins Special

The only reason Danny Parkins is on national TV is because he's buddies with Nick Wright (more on him in a minute). Look, I get that it's about not what you know, but who you know in a lot of industries, but come on.

Danny could at least bring some merit to the prestigious, million-dollar seat he sits in by doing a modicum of research. Does he not have an army of minions at Fox Sports to do that for him?

The argument that the Bengals overpaid for Dexter Lawrence falls apart if you sit and think about it for literally three seconds. But Danny Parkins can't be bothered to do that. He's too well-paid and contented.

"What they did this offseason, you might be able to question the acquisition cost of Dexter Lawrence yeah because they traded a top-10 pick for him and paid him. It's the most expensive way to acquire a player. Like that's not sound business, and then you lose Trey Henderson for basically nothing."

Danny, yeah, you might be able to question the acquisition cost if you're a complete buffoon.

Unless Francis Mauigoa is the second coming of Zack Martin, the Bengals already won this trade. By a mile. And even if Mauigoa is anywhere near that stratosphere, I'd still argue Cincinnati won the deal.

You're telling me a transformational force and a generational defensive tackle who will likely make the Hall of Fame someday is worth more than a guard? Miss me with it.

That point about Trey Hendrickson is telling. Whatever the Bengals would've paid Hendrickson would've dwarfed the $15.3 million cap hit Lawrence is on the books for this year.

Another of Danny's dumb points is about how much it cost for the Bengals to extend Lawrence once they traded for him, Hey dude, did you know that the one-year, $28 million contract Sexy Dexy signed was only for the 2028 season, and that he's slated to play out the remainder of his prior contract with the New York Giants in the next two years?

First off, that $28 million figure for 2028 is a full $10 million less in average annual value than the market-setting extension Jalen Carter just signed in Philly ($38 million AAV).

If you took into account the entirety of Lawrence's contract (three years, $70 million), he would rank fourteenth among interior defensive linemen in AAV at $23.3 million. That's 61.3% of the average cost the Eagles will incur to pay Carter each season going forward.

This information takes all of five minutes to look up. It's not some, like, well-kept secret.

Trading the 10th overall pick and getting a bargain on Lawrence's contract to finally fix the Bengals defense seems well worth the cost incurred to me.

Nick Wright is wrong (again)

Nick Wright is peeing down his leg on national television, lobbing out half-hearted, even-he-knows-it’s-untrue takes on why the Bengals aren’t actually Super Bowl contenders.

Nick knows who almost toppled the Chiefs’ dynasty before it really began. He knows that a healthy Joe Burrow is every bit as good as Patrick Mahomes, if not better.

Sorry, Nick. Not everyone gets Andy Reid and Steve Spagnuolo to coach them. Has there ever been a better offensive head coach/play-caller and defensive coordinator combo in NFL history?

Now, Joe Burrow is better than ever. Far better than the QB who took the Bengals to Super Bowl LVI and the next AFC Championship Game. His defense is far better all-around than it’s ever been. His offensive line is the best it’s ever been.


Yeah. to paraphrase the man himself, I’d say success is indeed inevitable.

Will the national media's hilariously ignorant talking points about the Bengals inevitably be cured by all the winning this team is about to do? Guess we'll all find out together.

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