Cincinnati Bengals first round pick Andre Smith says that he wants to be in camp on time.

Good for him. I want him in on time. So do the Bengals, so does every other fan, so…here’s the question.

Are you, and your agent Alvin Keels, prepared to play ball by Mike Brown’s rules?

Contrary to popular perception, Brown will pay you. But traditionally, the sticking point is performance. The Bengals don’t go in for so-called “log” incentives (as in, “as easy to earn as falling off a log”). Play well, and you’ll be well-compensated. Flub it up, and not so much.

Few players and agents are willing to take such risks, especially when other teams routinely dole out cake incentives and escalators that essentially guarantee gigantic paydays for doing things like taking part in two percent of offensive snaps. Moreover, the Bengals have a history of playing hardball in July and early August, only to fold like a house of cards come late August or early September.

If I’m the Bengals, I just do the deal, whatever it takes, and move on. I didn’t want an offensive tackle in the draft for exactly this reason (a holdout) and said long ago that if they do go o-line, then they have to do what it takes to get that player in-house asap. Well, they bit the bullet. Time to do the deed. If Smith is one of those rare guys who’s confident enough in his own abilities to take a tougher-than-normal-to-reach incentive deal, great. But the Bengals knew what they were getting into with the sixth pick, and now’s not the time to fool around.

You know, I’ve read a lot of dumb things in my life. Hell, I’ve written a lot of dumb things in my life. Twenty-one years ago, I graduated from the E.W. Scripps School of Journalism at Ohio University with a degree in journalism (specifically a BS, which I always found appropriate). And for two decades I have made a living putting electronic ink to computer keyboards.

I note this only to emphasize my level of disappointment with this piece of shit.

And yeah, I’m talking to you, Chick. You let them put your name on this?

Let’s just fisk the first few sentences.

It would appear to the casual observer that Bengals coach Marvin Lewis, who has finished over .500 in just one of his first six seasons in Cincinnati, is on a short leash.

Which casual observer would this be, the one that missed the whole 4-11-1 2008 season?

But then, that’s what generally was assumed last season, too, and Lewis remains the Bengals’ coach—even after finishing 4-11-1 and a half-game out of the AFC North basement.

Apparently, there’s no such thing as a short leash with the Bengals.

Uh yeah, you didn’t figure that out back about 15-20 years ago with his guy named David Shula?

The Bengals are a team in transition, especially on offense where reliable wide receiver T.J. Houshmandzadeh left via free agency.

Uh-huh. And it takes you how many sentences to note they signed Laveranues Coles? And what do you have to say then?

the addition of Laveranues Coles offers a better deep threat and might allow Palmer to gain big chunks of yardage.

Yeah. Right. Well, uh, thanks.

You know, I completely admit that the Bengals could stink next year. But if I wanted to come up with reasons why — say the uncertainty on the o-line, not mentioned at all in this so-called analysis — I the amateur jerkoff, sans anything resembling an NFL source, can do better than this.

Central Michigan offensive lineman available in July 16 supplemental draft.

The Cincinnati Bengals’ first attempt to entice wary and cash-strapped fans into buying available season tickets fell flat, and four-game ticket packs go on sale Monday.

Will the Bengals’ 44-game sellout streak be broken opening day? We’ll see. And if it is, will it be because fans are fed up, or just broke?

My guess is: a bit of both. The Bengals’ finish last season didn’t give anyone but masochists a reason to spend their money, but the sputtering economy has everyone running scared. Americans are stuffing their mattresses at record rates, and NFL tickets are just one thing they aren’t buying. In Jacksonville, for example, more than half of season ticket non-renewals are being blamed on the economy.

Bill Prescott, the team’s senior vice president of stadium operations and chief financial officer, said club surveys showed that 65 percent of season-ticket holders who did not renew blamed the economy. He said the team is well off the 43,000 season tickets it had sold at this time last year for the approximately 67,000 uncovered seats at Jacksonville Municipal Stadium.

Though the Carolina Panthers’ front office claims season ticket renewals are “on pace with past years,” the team is is offering two-game ticket packages for the first time in club history. Meanwhile, in Buffalo, season ticket sales are on a record pace, but club seat and luxury suite sales are slow. The story is similar up in Cleveland, where the Browns have teamed up with the Cleveland Indians to sell suites for the Packers and Steelers games this season.

Even in Green Bay, where the waiting list for Packers tickets exceeds 80,000 names, almost triple the number of people on the list will have an opportunity to get coveted Lambeau Field seats: 192, versus 75 or fewer in normal years. Likewise, the 93,000-strong waiting list for New York Giants season tickets is starting to get whittled down a bit.

On the other hand, life is good in the Big Easy, where the Saints have already sold out for the year.

Too much orange Kool-Ade gives BJ indigestion. But Kirk’s got my back. To that I’d add only that, while the Cincinnati Bengals’ offensive line does indeed have numerous question marks, they are of a different quality than those facing the line in the run-up to 2008.

Last summer, Bengals fans were wondering if either tackle could play at all. Neither Levi Jones nor Willie Anderson had been right since the end of 2005. Both had skipped the team’s voluntary offseason program (OK, Willie showed up for the last week) in 2008. Levi, after sparring with coaches in the 2007 offseason, had requested a trade before the ‘08 draft. Once they got to camp, Willie was often absent from practice. In short, both players were still hurt to one degree or another, and Levi had motivation question marks as well. Throw in Eric Ghiaciuc’s struggles at center and a lack of depth, and the stage was set for the epic collapse that occurred.

This year, there are no injury woes (knock on wood) or desire questions surrounding Andrew Whitworth, Anthony Collins or Andre Smith. And based on actual, NFL game performance, there’s no reason to think that Whitworth and and Collins won’t be upgrades over last season’s duo of a broken-down Jones and a one-foot-out-the-door-and-on-a-plane-to-Philly Stacy Andrews. And that’s not even considering Smith. Let him hold out; I’m not at all sure I wouldn’t rather have Collins starting over a rookie. As for Ghiaciuc’s replacement, Kyle Cook, the situation at center is no worse than it was last season, at least in my opinion, and the tackle spots are in better shape. Depth — which will include either Smith or Collins, plus fourth-rounder Jonathan Luigs — is also better this year than last.

Kirk is right that expecting a 2005-caliber performance is probably wishful thinking. But the Bengals are in a lot better shape on the line here in June 2009 than they were 12 months ago. Just how much better we will start to get a read on in about a month.

That sound you hear is a roaring Niagra of orange Kool-Ade pouring over the edge of Bandwagon Falls. First came the Cryptkeeper, who calls Cincinnati a potential surprise team.

I might not buy Chad Ochocinco’s playoff guarantee, but I guarantee the Bengals will be good on offense as long as Carson Palmer is healthy. Andre Caldwell is showing some promise as a slot receiver. Ochocinco is back to being a top-level receiver after training hard this offseason. On defense, Mike Zimmer has a decent group with good speed and improved ability to pressure the quarterback. My concern might be the offensive line, but that’s hard to evaluate until the team is in pads.

Over at NFL.com, Gil Brandt joined in, saying the Bengals could finish ahead of Baltimore. Though Brandt was quick to add that he thought both teams would trail Pittsburgh, that prediction was enough for James Walker to give Brandt his seat on the Bengals bandwagon.

Heck, even Muckraker Mike joined in, allowing that one-time Chicago bears castoff Cedric Benson appears ready to accomplish in Cincy what he never managed in the Windy City.

So, to wrap back around to Clayton, here’s my question: at what point do the Bengals quit being a “surprise team?” I mean, if everyone says they’re poised to be a surprise, well, then is anyone really going to be surprised if they surprise?

Of course not. What’s really at work here is simply two decades of failure. Any objective look at the Cincinnati Bengals will tell you three things: one, 2008 can’t be considered representative of the team’s capabilities because of the outlandish number of injuries; two, they drew what looks like a straight flush in the draft, and; three, they had a successful and active free agency period, inking guys like Tank Johnson, Lavernaues Coles and Roy Williams.

But…they’re the Bengals. So there’s no going from (nearly) worst to first in the eyes of the media, because historically that just doesn’t happen in Cincy. Well, fair enough. But for my money, I’d rather the talking heads can the CYA “surprise” talk and just lay it on the line: the Bengals have all the tools to succeed on paper, but the organization has sucked forever so they won’t.

Don’t hedge with “surprise.” You can’t or won’t believe until they prove it on the field. Again, fair enough. But if they do, no one will be surprised.

Snoooore…CHUK!….Huuk…cough, cough, wha…? Oh, sorry, ’scuse me, drifted off there for a bit. Wow, that was some first day of minicamp for the Bengals, eh? In the morning, C Kyle Cook and LB Dhani Jones got into a scuffle after Cook told Jones bow ties were for wimps. In the afternoon, Cincinnati’s newest fast-casual restaurant, J.T. O’Sullivan’s, announced its lineup of 12 meals under $12, and practice was called after the coaching staff fainted dead away when K Shayne Graham made a 55-yard field goal.

Oh, and we’re going to the playoffs.

Well, at least some things never change-o.

In addition to camp, Cincinnati also inked a second rookie, WR Freddie Brown. Obviously, I’d like to see them get Andre Smith nailed down, but my gut says we will be lucky to see him signed before the end of training camp. Fortunately, between Anthony Collins and Andrew Whitworth, the Bengals have decent alternatives in the event of a holdout. Whitworth at LT and Collins on the right side are already upgrades over the gimpy Levi Jones and overrated Stacy Andrews. Smith will likely be better than either of them in the the long run, but this season he qualifies as gravy in my book.

Yeah, I’m still here. Apologies once again for the lack of updates, but between a new job and the arrival of summer, yours truly has found that the days are just packed.

Fortunately, the Bengals are doing their part, continuing the kind of only-eventful-in-a-good-way offseason that’s been all too rare in Cincinnati. There’s been an early rookie signing, QB Carson Palmer continue to serve up the Kool-Ade and the team kicks off its three-day minicamp today with all their key players, including WR Chad Ochocinco, present and accounted for. The Chickster previews minicamp here.

That’s all for now. I’ll try to wrap back around tonight with a look at day one of camp.

Cincinnati Bengals WR Chad Ochocinco arrived in Cincinnati today, much to the surprise of just about everyone. After passing a physical, he took part in his first voluntary workout since 2007.

Insert applause here.

Last night, after reading Chad’s plea for fan support on bengals.com, I wrote a short post entitled “Get On A Plane” which internet connection issues prevented me from posting. I give it in full:

So I see that Chad Ochocinco says that he needs he fans to embrace him again. For whatever it’s worth, Chad, I’m in your corner — but you want some love, you need to walk the walk, not just talk the talk. Right now, the Bengals are in Cincinnati and you’re not. Get to town. Get to work. Stop making excuses about how the Bengals don’t work for five weeks after the June minicamp and “you lose all your rhythm after a week.” There are new plays being installed and new players to work with. There’s plenty you could do.

You’ve apologized 85 times and still get blasted because an apology is nothing if it isn’t followed by changed behavior. OK, this time you’re working. This time, you’re fired up. This time, you’re hungry. All good. Now get on a plane.

And what happens today? Chad got on a plane. He even cited the new playbook as a reason to get off his duff.

I could have asked no more. Well done, 85. Welcome back.

Note: this was written yesterday, but the network was experiencing technical difficulties. Please pardon our dust. Now, on to (belated) business:

Apologies for the lack of posts recently, but my paying gig is absorbing all my time of late, so my gratis ramblings here have taken a hit. Anyone out there interested in helping out around these parts, feel free to drop me a line at stripehype (at) yahoo.com.

Doesn’t look like I’ve missed much, though. I see former center Eric Ghiaciuc is talking about how Chad Ochocinco’s antics always had him looking over his shoulder. Well, y’know, maybe if he’d kept his eyes off Chad and on the DT in front of him he wouldn’t have gotten blown off the ball so much. Chad, meanwhile, appears the very soul of team, and says his hunger for success is back.

“I had to go back to Square One. From 1997 to 1999, I was hungry,” said The Ocho, referring to his junior college days. “It got a little too easy for me. I wouldn’t say I stopped working hard, but the hunger wasn’t there like it used to be. The hunger is back. Last year was very humbling. When I get back, words can’t describe the type of year I’m going to have.”

Reading that quote, I can just hear the music in the background (warning: clicking the following video may cause uncontrollable laughter).

With Chad saying all the right things, James Walker is starting to eye the Ocho Bandwagon-o, and even Doc departs from form and predicts Chad will ditch the act and stick to football this season. That’s been my guess for a while now and, yes, James, a motivated Chad is among the last things other AFC North teams want to see in Cincy.

Turning to Bengals receivers not boasting a garbled Spanish nickname, Chris Henry continues his transformation into a pro football player, while Andre Caldwell explains why he’s better than T.J. All these guys still have to put their money where their mouths are, and the o-line still has to keep Carson Palmer upright, but all the pieces for a top-tier passing game appear to be coming together in Cincinnati right now.

Keep the Kool-Ade comin’, fellas.